I'm not exactly a bookmaker but I'd wager that the chances of this guy having touched a girl who wasn't employed as a Bomber Girl at Interbike '02 are certainly greater than the line of 3, 720 to one Threepio dropped on Han Solo as he pointed the Millennium Falcon into the nearest asteroid field in a valiant effort to escape Vader's wrath.
What I like about his guy, aside from the fact that he might quite possibly be the biggest bike geek west of Guitar Ted, is that every possible nuance of his being was carefully chosen to ensure that he was the king of the bike geeks gathered at the Hope Rides Again Ride and that he would not be getting laid while in Hollywood.
Working from top to bottom:
1) Mellow Johnny's cycling cap. Did he take a trip to Austin or mail order one like a punk? I didn't find out because I didn't want to talk to him.
2) The mustache. It must be a newer addition since it has yet to be shaped like a handlebar.
3) You obviously can't tell by the pic but this gent is wearing a LiveWrong t-shirt. Ha-ha-ha what a punk. Everyone else is wearing a LiveStrong t-shirt and he's proudly rocking a LiveWrong shirt. Oh I'm sure he'll still be laughing about it right up to the point where Lance gives him cancer.
4) Tweed knickers that are more like elf pants. I'm going to go out on a limb and say that this pair of chick repellers were made at home while watching Klunkerz for the 42nd time.
6) Sidi Dominators. These at least make sense since he's got a mountain bike and all but for a two mile ride you gotta think this man would have been capable of riding sans special shoes. And I only bring this up because there was a time back in the last century when I walked into a happening nightspot with Dominators strapped to my feet and had a conversation that went like this:
"No, these aren't rock climbing shoes they're for biking."
"Oh cool, what kind of motorcycle to do you ride."
"I don't have a motorcycle. I have a mountain bike. It's locked up outside if you'd like to see it."
"Uh no thanks. My friend just showed up. I have to go."
7) Finally, we've got the bike. Rigid. Singlespeed. 29'er. Pretty hardcore rig to most people but then again I have to assume someone of his caliber is only slummin' it with his 29'er until his custom 36'er is finished off. My favorite details by far though are the purple anodized bits one big ugly statement that this guy has been riding since the dawn of man- or at least 1993.
37 comments:
And what's so wrong about watching Klunkerz for the 42nd time? I must be a total douchbag, as I've probably had to watch it 1000 times:). Thanks for the linky.
Your's truly,
ex-Skywalker Ranch employee and Klunker geek
Billy Savage
www.klunkerz.com
Ha ha. I actually saw Klunkerz when it played at the Bicycle Film Fest last summer. It was a great film, Billy. I just thought a Klunkerz reference would have been a little more relevant than "Tread: The Movie."
Somebody gave me Tread, but it's on VHS so I haven't seen it yet. You gotta cool blog:).
Thank you. Thank you for pointing out all of this nonsense on two wheels. There is no decency on two wheels anymore. Hipsters on "fixies", tri bars in a group... can't people just ride in a double line at a nice clip and pull through?
shouldn't the name of this blog be 'Douchebag Bike Bloggers?'
freedom is why many ride a bike. freedom of expression are the liberties we enjoy living in the USA. not everyone has to wear a cookie-cutter bike outfit to enjoy the experience of being on a bike. when you have a peaceful mind you will be free from the need to judge others, but until then, good luck with your shitty blog and the 6 readers that follow you.
Thanks for teaching me not to be a douchebag like you, making fun of strangers on the interwebs.
I know that guy, and he's actually a really interesting person, and nothing like the person you described.
You, I imagine, are much like the person your blog implies, however.
But as I said, now I realize how dumb it is to be like you, and I'll never do it again.
you should see him in is pink shorts...rowr.
srsly.
In fact, this guy has the major lady killer mojo, srsly -- next time you see him, just ask him what happened after he brought his hot neighbor a house-warming candle gift...
The Mellow Johnny's cap was gifted to him in Austin - at MJs. In fact, he is something of a big thing -- known the world over for his cycling style and love of all liquids belgian. He is something of a folk hero here in France and, yes, he is cooler than you. Just sayin'
beets!
I know that guy. I really don't know if he's ever been laid, but I know he gave a candle to a girl once. And I suspect he's been laid a lot more than you have, because he's a really cool guy who makes the ladies swoon. Also, his mom is a hottie.
Isn't that the guy on the Harley from the McDonalds commercial a few months back. He's dreamy..
And has great reverse celebrity photography skillz.
Just so we're clear ... you saw this guy at a bike event and thought him worthy enough at the time to take a pic -- and no doubt start writing your wannabe-bikesnob rant in your head -- yet somehow couldn't bring yourself to meet him and rap him up.
Grow some balls.
PS
You're not bike snob.
PPS
Star Wars references /= wit.
You should be so cool...
You should this cool! This man oozes coolness in his presence and is famous for it in cycling circles! You should be so lucky as to know a person like him!
Apparently you haven't seen him in his bedazzled jersey and pink shorts. He is the Chuck Norris of sexy, a legendary womanizer and candle aficionado.
This guy oozes cycling from his pores. You could only aspire to catch a drop of his coolness. Being a lame, wanna-be hip, bicycle riding (not cyclist), card carrying dutchbag gives you no right to judge anyone. Especially someone you do not know, and who could probably ride you into the ground any day of the week.
He's also a sloppy beer drinker.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cdXejc2nghQ
But I guess since he'd just ridden that same lime green single speed, rigid Niner down the brutal Braille and Sawpit trails and up Tractor at Soquel Demo Forest he earned it.
File this site under: Dooshenozzle bloggers with KY on their keyboard.
i rode with him in this years Solvang Century which he rode FIXED(he dropped me BTW). he has more style and humor in his 'stache(which is likely older than your maturity level) than anything you've got.
as Josh said, grow a set and actually make an effort to learn about the people you think you're better than.
Wow....
Takes a lot of douchery to secretly snap a pic of a person then point out that they're different from what you think cool is.... Nice blog, i guess. Best of luck with it.
In the cycling world of personalities the guy in the picture is a ringmaster and your hopefully tongue-in-cheek portrayal off him has made you come off as a bit of a clown. We're proud he rocks our cap, and our our jersey too. To any and all bike shops reading this that may see this man walk in your door, treat him well as he is a class act. Bikes shops the world over could use more guys like him.
OK, so you picked the wrong guy huh?
Yep, he's way, way more legit than you and you now look very amateur-ish.
I'd head over to that guy's neck of the inter-nape and get your mea culpa on.
Good luck.
You could have at least taken a picture of the front of him. Maybe you should talk to him first. I know first hand that this guy is awesome and not a douche.
Hey!! Where can I get some of those purple spokes??
I'm reading this on my iPad.
I've never been so humiliated in all my lives. It's back to full Pearl Izumi kit for me. The Bud socks went in the trash, the mustache has been shaved and the t-shirt now says Trek on it. Thanks for steering my misguided self back to mediocrity. Maybe now I'll see what a vagina feels like. Yours~ Jeff
Wow the judgement oozes with painful jealousy!!! I've known him for a few years he's hot to trot and one of the funniest people I know (english like humor) I love the dress the bikes and all of it!!! sizzles with hotness!! he overpowers your lame excuses filled with envy by miles. As for girls and such I'm married but I'd date him if unhitched and have even tried to get some of my friends hot friends!!! to know him.
Did you say "Bobo Fett?"
I'd hit it!
Next time, ask him about his sexxxy cowboy.
One Less Prius.
How long did it take you to actually come up with those amazing Star Wars references?
Might actually want to meet a person before you decide to douchebag it up on the interwebs.
in case you missed it, the actual guy from the photo posted above. pwnd
ps. he as already covered by bikesnob, this guy get's around a lot:
http://bikesnobnyc.blogspot.com/2008/06/this-just-in-one-less-car-in-la.html
i love it that this wannabe bikesnob-blogger messed with the wrong person. jeff's got a heart of gold and is always pushing the good vibes. in fact, right now he's riding 500+ miles and raising thousands of dollars for AIDS. he's got a great sense of humor and an open heart, and he's a great rider, too, on any style of bike. you wish you had friends like him. and to be so gutless as to take a picture of him behind his back when he isn't looking instead of talking to him, you should take yourself elsewhere--like to another sport--because we don't need you and we don't want you--this blog has to be the lamest thing to hit the 'net.
Hey, Dougie ..... it's not too late -- maybe you can still enter the witless protection program and save yourself from your own terminal case of douchebaggery.
Way to come off as an asshole.
What makes you the arbiter of cycling taste? Have you seen the way we usually dress?
HW looks like he came from work to watch the event. You should see how he usually dresses.
Stop judging, asswipe.
Saying you are 'Showcasing Bad Taste on Two Wheels Since 2008' shows two things:
1) You're a newb, and have not been paying attention - Cyclists have been showing bad taste for at least 150 years. We've been a minority since the first Velocipede was rolled out.
2) You have no class. Making fun of fellow cyclists who have done you no wrong is wrong. If Hollywood did or said something to offend you, then anything goes. But, as you plainly stated, you didn't talk to him.
So, that only shows that you are an asshole of the first degree.
Post a picture of yourself so you can be judged.
And then piss off.
Murbike
I'm secretly wondering if you sir, the now-humuliated and recent verbally-sodomized blogger, are beginning to regret posting the pic and this horrible excuse for prose. Do yourself a favor and get out now while you can still type. There's a chance Bicycling Mag has an opening. It appears you posess just he right stuff for a publication of that caliber.
Did someone say beets? HW FTW!
FAIL!
Hey Douchebags Who Write Blogs, check this out:
http://forums.roadbikereview.com/showthread.php?t=215529
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